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Shaun vs. Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

nail1Directed by Terry Lofton

Starring Ron Queen, Beau Leland and Rocky Patterson

Months after a woman is raped, a killer clad in camouflage and a motorcycle helmet emerges to exact revenge on those responsible while brandishing a nail gun.


 


 

Judging a Book by its Cover

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-Another flick with two taglines!  The top one is an unsubtle wink at the title similarities with Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the bottom one is a funny pun on the subject matter.

-What also isn’t funny are the two chicks at the bottom of the picture, especially the blonde who’s getting kicked in the junk it seems.

-Look at the dude’s legs, is he an alien?  Look at the yellow eyes in the helmet!  Oh wouldn’t that be a nice surprise?

-I’m not sure what’s classier, the fact that “Nail Gun” is lettered in actual nails or the obvious bulge in the killer’s pants.


 

After the film opens with a group of construction workers chasing and ultimately catching and raping a woman on the site, the film fast forwards a few years and gets into the action right away.  A figure dressed in camo, a helmet and a bright yellow oxygen tank for the nail gun shows up and hunts down several victims throughout the film, and surprisingly most of them were involved in the aforementioned opening rape scene.  On the case are the small town’s sheriff and the local MD who are stumped as to who the killer is.

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Hehehehehe, “nailed” it.

And honestly, that’s how the story is presented.  Rinse and repeat with the stalking and murder scenes followed by rounds of dialogue that come off like they were acted by real townspeople who are forced to act against their will.  The viewer has everything worked out early on, including the killer’s identity, but must endure the “heroes” not being able to put the pieces together until so many people, admittedly dirty rapists, get viciously nailed.  We are left to be amazed and bewildered by how this movie even got made.

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Oh, it wasn’t that bad of a pun.

However, the best way to enjoy the movie is to laugh at how bad it is.  And there is much laughter to be had too because the filmmaking is awful, the dialogue is awful, the acting of that dialogue is awful, etc.  Presented as a rape/revenge film combined with a not so subtle slasher element, it’s obviously not for the easily offended, the film is so wonderfully absurd with a killer who is a comedic, fist-shaking, pun-spouting super villain rather than a vigilante out for justice.

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Is it weird if I butt in now?

Given the movie’s title, you shouldn’t be disappointed to find out that a nail gun gets used exclusively throughout the film and it’s a bloody one.  People get nailed in the arms, legs, chest, stomach, face….nether regions.  Bleh.  Most of the time, the kills are filmed with dummy parts when you see a nail impale the target or filmed immediately after the nail has already entered and you get the shock reaction of the victim.  Hey, for a low budget flick it works quite well but when the killer starts popping out of a pool to catch a victim by surprise, the gimmick has more than run its course.

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Even tree huggers get it!

Not once showing signs of anything considered redeeming filmmaking, the movie is amateur from top to bottom and if you’re looking for a serious slasher flick you’re barking up the wrong tree.  The movie is chock full of laughs and worth a watch with some friends and plenty of booze.

TL;DR

Story:  2 – A woman gets raped then years later a nail gun-using “vigilante” shows up to murder those responsible.  If the filmmakers were trying to make a slasher version of 1978’s I Spit on Your Grave, they got it way wrong.  And yet, hilariously right.

Blood: 7 – Lots of nail impalements shown on screen, some in places you may not want to see.

Nudity: 8 – There are a couple of terrific, long shots of beautiful, big-breasted women.  I like!

Overall: 7 – The movie is more of a “2” but when some movies get into that range, they can become so entertaining in their badness that it boosts the overall score and Nail Gun Massacre is one of those films.  If you know what you’re getting into, you’re in for a fun time.

Trivia

-The film’s original script was 80 pages long but after budget cuts it was reduced to just 25 pages.

-Distributors demanded more nudity be added to the film.  Distributors are perverts.

 

 

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