Those Demonic Toys are miraculously back from the toy graveyard to once again try to resurrect their hellish master so Judith Gray enlists the help of Dollman to stop the tiny terrors once and for all.  Or until they try again.

Judging a Book by its Cover

-Before Alien vs. Predator, before Batman vs. Superman, there was Dollman vs. Demonic Toys!

-Is anybody looking at anyone here?  Robot is doing a great job at killing his partner.  At least Dollman is clearly shooting at something on this cover.

-I bet he hates being called Dollman.

-Don’t know about Demonic Toys?  Read about it here!

-Don’t know about Dollman?  Read about it here!

Directed by Charles Band

Starring Tracy Scoggins, Tim Thomerson, Melissa Behr and Phil Fondacaro

After being defeated by Detective Judith Gray (Scoggins) and the chicken delivery guy, the demonic entity that tried to take Gray’s unborn child is willing to give the plan another shot.  Using the last of his energy, he brings back to life the toys that failed him the last time.  Except for Teddy, apparently he’s perma-dead, but a G.I. Joe-like creature with the silly name of Zombietoid replaces him.  They befriend the new night watchman (Fondacaro) and convince the short man that they’re practically the same and he should help them.  He helps by bringing hookers to the warehouse so they can use their blood to recharge the demon’s powers.  For a bunch of toys, it’s a solid plan.

“This is how you make a buck.”

Elsewhere, nurse Ginger, who was shrunk by aliens in a movie called Bad Channels, is all depressed because she’s the only person on the block who’s a foot tall and the only attention she gets is from some creepy dude with a camera wanting her to pose in bikinis.  She gets a visit from Brick Bardo, known throughout the universe as Dollman, a cop from another planet who was stranded on Earth.  In fact, Brick brought clips from his movie with him and they are used to recount the film and take up roughly a third of this film’s running time!

Peek-a-boo!

Brick and Ginger enjoy a brief time of joy until Judith shows up to recruit Bardo to help her in her cause because hey, he’s as big as they are, maybe he can help!  He does have a badass gun.  Despite Ginger not wanting to share her anatomically correct Ken doll, Brick can’t turn down the request of a fellow cop.  At least he’s partially qualified to help; Ginger tags along with them and quickly becomes eye candy for Baby Oopsy.  Ginger is kidnapped and becomes the focus of the demonic resurrection the old fashioned way.  Baby Oopsy ties her up in a dollhouse and the demonic master will possess the doll and fuck a demon baby into her.  Now that’s a hell of a Facebook status.

Questionable boner moment.

Demonic Toys was by no means a classic but it was an enjoyable watch nonetheless.  Dollman was a boring action flick and who the hell ever watched Bad Channels?  Such an odd combination of movies to be cobbled together and made into a junky clip show with enough new footage to give us an hour of “entertainment.”  It’s pretty sad when a good portion of the film is footage from another, better production.

My reaction to the movie.

The effects are just awful. I did like the effort in making some large sets to make Brick and Ginger seem tiny, everything else is laughable. From the shitty stop-motion spider Brick saves Ginger from to the giant Baby Oopsy trying to tear off Ginger’s clothes.  And don’t get me started on the acting.  It’s no fun watching people act like they know they got an easy paycheck coming.  Maybe that’s all the movie was meant to be, a rush job for a quick buck.  In any case, the movie isn’t worth even the sixty-five minutes it asks of you.

TL;DR

Story: 2 – Three movies are slapped together into an ugly Frankenstein turd of a movie.

Blood: 3 – The best part of Demonic Toys is watered down quite a bit.  There are a few gooey pops but they’re hardly satisfying

Nudity: 5 – Melissa Behr in a bikini is nice but not so hot when in an attempted rape scene with a baby doll.

Overall: 2 – Disappointing on all fronts, fans of any of the previous movies can do without seeing this.  Ever.

Trivia

-The original idea for Puppet Master 4 was to feature the puppets fighting the Demonic Toys.  That was dropped in favour of another storyline.  They wouldn’t fight until the release of the non-canonical Sci-Fi Channel film Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys in 2004.  You could also do without seeing that.  Ever.