Based off the comic of the same name, gay detective Luigi Macaroni is on a personal vendetta to find out who’s behind the killer condoms that bite off the penises of the men that wear them. Whaaaaa?
Judging a Book by its Cover
– Hey, am I renting a horror movie or a gay porno? Or is it both? Awkward.
– Did someone make this poster with MS Paint?
– Who would put that thing on, honestly? It has teeth. Seriously.
– Oh, Troma put this out? I think I’m in trouble.
The rubber that rubs YOU out!
Directed by Martin Walz
Starring Udo Samuel, Peter Lohmeyer and Iris Berben
As you would hope in a movie with a title like Killer Condom, the film opens with a school vice principal bringing a student to a New York brothel — yes, though a German production, the film takes place in NYC — where he tells her that she’s just a little short of graduating and knows just the thing to get her to pass. Reluctant to go forward, she refuses but succumbs to the possible embarrassment for her parents if she doesn’t pass. The VP puts on a condom without noticing it has teeeeeth!! and the girl’s face is covered in red goo.
Detective Macaroni figures it was the girl that did the deed, what else could it be? She tells a ridiculous story but he investigates at the “Quickie Hotel” where the act took place. He runs into Billy, a male prostitute who works in the brothel, and they head upstairs where Macaroni is more interested in him than the case. They are attacked by a living rubber condom with teeth and it latches onto Macaroni who wakes up later in a hospital, missing a testicle. It could have been worse, since he’s back on the case there are now over a dozen confirmed penis-related attacks and counting while Billy is wanted for what happened to Macaroni. No one will listen to Macaroni’s outlandish “killer condom” story so he’s on his own to solve the case.
The main takeaway from Killer Condom was how funny it was. I laughed a lot more than I expected at the bizarre and off the cuff gay humour the film delivered, though it’s obviously not for everyone. Anyone who has watched and enjoyed “Kids in the Hall” would probably have a good time especially with the scenes involving a former cop turned transvestite who always manages to track down Macaroni to get a date. There is a fair amount of bloodshed which honestly isn’t as bad as you’d expect however don’t be shocked when you see large spurts of blood from the attacks as well as a few disembodied penises, but come on, you’re watching a movie called Killer Condom and there are expectations, dammit!
A German-made, gay horror/comedy is a tiny niche genre and a tough sell, I would imagine. If you’re not put off by anything you’ve read and can stomach a little blood, Killer Condom is a surprising hidden gem.
Story: 8 – Living pugilistic prophylactics are on the loose biting off the wieners of any poor sap who puts them on and only a detective who’s lived from an attack can stop them (mostly because no one will believe him.)
Blood: 6 – Not overly graphic most of the time — you don’t see any biting — there is some juice squirts afterwards as well as the aforementioned “disembodied penises” which never has to be mentioned again.
Nudity: 3 – As part of the humour, the camera strategically avoids showing too much but there are man butts to be seen so deal with it.
Overall: 7 – I’m as shocked as anyone that this was as good as it was. Obviously not meant for the mainstream audience, those that find anything that I wrote appealing would find a funny, albeit bizarrely gruesome, film.
-H.R. Giger was a consultant on the film.