Directed by Jess Franco

Starring Lina Romay (as Candy Coster), Mabel Escano, Robert Foster and Eva León

A quartet of horny women visit a tropical resort only to discover that it’s completely deserted and while that doesn’t stop them from having fun, the undead monks who want to sacrifice them to the devil will definitely ruin their weekend.

View trailer here!

Come for the lesbians, stay for the…well, might as well stay for the lesbians!

Legendary Spanish filmmaker Jess Franco is very well known for his work in exploitation films, often mixing extreme sexuality with elements of masochism while throwing in cannibals, vampires or zombies for kicks on occasion.  Oftentimes his films would be considered pornography for the amount of nudity and sex he puts in his films and hey, I can’t deny that claim after watching Mansion of the Living Dead.  Although the title suggests zombies that have high housing standards, it’s a softcore porno with lesbians who run into undead knights who want to sacrifice the women for their sinful ways.  That escalated quickly!

As long as we don’t get raped by dead guys, this trip can’t fail!

The story is fairly simple as a group of friends decide to go on vacation and bang however many guys they can or they’ll just have sex with each other.  Alrighty then!  When they arrive at the resort, they find it practically deserted aside from the gardener and Carlo, the hotel manager.  After banging the night away with each other, one of the women goes on a little hike to take some photos and comes across a dilapidated church where undead monks awaken to sacrifice her to their evil deity of choice — after a brief gangbang, of course.  One of the women is singled out by Carlo as the one who is able to lift the curse on the monks but what will they make her do?

Sup?

The film would hope you’ve seen any of Amando de Ossorio’s Blind Dead films because Mansion‘s group of villains are basically the skeletal undead Templar Knights that Franco has “borrowed” from de Ossorio’s series.  I guess they’re called “monks” for legal purposes but that fact alone makes the rape scenes just that much more creepy and vile I honestly thought she happened upon a cult but they’re dead!  The film isn’t terribly violent in a bloody sense but as an exploitation flick, it doesn’t treat women very well as they go from air-headed sex objects to victims of sexual violence before meeting their end.  Needless to say this film is not for everyone.  Durp.

TL;DR

Story:  3 – A porno with a horror flick sprinkled throughout, four horny women go on a vacation that ends abruptly when undead bastards want to sacrifice them.

Blood: 3 – It’s not that bloody and most of the effects aren’t that great in the first place.

Nudity: 11 – Nudity?  In a pornographic film?  Preposterous, right?  The camera isn’t shy and neither is the female cast.

Overall: 4 – Yes there’s some excitement to the film with all the nudity but those are the only thrills you’ll get out of this would-be horror film.

Trivia

-Star Lina Romay was not only the star of several Franco films, but she was romantically involved as well and remained married with Franco until her death in 2012.  Franco died a year later.

Judging a Book by its Cover

-I can think of at least a couple reasons to rent this one.  Shut up and take my money!

-If the zombies look like the giant floating head on the cover, this should be alright.

-I don’t see a mansion anywhere, but I guess she’s running down the Hallway of the Mansion of the Living Dead.